What’s Your Biggest Cooking Catastrophe?

First of all, what is the definition of "catastrophe" to a person who thinks a black bottom pie is easy. I have an old recipe from way back when and it looks pretty complicated to me.
I have two stories that are pretty typical of young brides. My husband (first one) and I got married in November about two weeks before Thanksgiving. One of his college friends came to stay with us over the holiday because the dorms were closed. Our oven had two temperatures - off and 500 degrees! Plus, I made the classic mistake of leaving the giblets inside the bird. The turkey was very well done and tasted a lot like paper - but both men were very forgiving. Fast forward to when my husband was working on a construction crew and coming home for lunch every day. I was going to make a tuna casserole but I was out of tuna and noodles. I'm telling you that a casserole made of Vienna sausage, rice and mushroom soup is not a man pleaser.

You mean besides the puppy eating half the raw turkey on Thanksgiving Eve? Or serving blue cheese and walnut stuffed pork chops to guests who hate blue cheese AND were allergic to walnuts? I've burnt more meals than I can count while chatting away with guests, and set more pot holders on fire than I care to admit... fortunately I love to entertain and cook, so most of my guests remember the positive experiences, but there was that one time when I exploded a can of condensed milk when trying to recreate my step-mother's quick version of Dulce de Leche for a midnight snack!! I'm surpised no one called the fire department!

My sister and I were very much younger (and clueless)and just learning about baking. She being older than I got total control of what we should try to bake first. She chose chocolate chip cookies. What kid, or adult for that matter can resist chocolate chip cookies? She started to put together all ingredients. Everything went well until we came to adding the vanilla flavor. Well, she was stumped thinking out loud "why would they want us to add vanilla ice cream?" She went straight to our freezer and took out the vanilla ice cream nevertheless. She carefully measured out a teaspoon of 'vanilla flavor' and mixed up the cookie dough. We scooped out dough on cookie sheets and baked. Being that that was our first foray into baking,the cookies turned out very delicious despite adding the wrong vanilla ingredient. I have since learned what vanilla flavor is and become a great baker since that first time many years ago. My sister on the other hand does not enjoy baking so much.

The year I tried to make pinwheel cookies. I made the recipe four times and only on the first try did they turn out - sort of. Actually, they just fell apart when touched. I tried freezing the dough. I tried using better butter. But in the end I decided it was wonderful as raw cookie dough (no eggs) and left it at that.

I was fifteen when I learned valuable lesson...water and 350 degree oil doesn't mix. The Knot & Loop Club kitchen, where I gained my first experiences in culinary cuisine, was hot that summer, so I always kept a pitcher of ice water at hand. During a long rush, I reach for the water and knock it into the deep vat frylator. Man! It was like an atomic bomb exploded. The hot oil went up into the air with a loud rumble in the shape of a mushroom cloud. It took me three hours and 20 pounds of salt to get that mess on the line floor cleaned up. Needless to say, I kept my ice water from then on, far, far away from the fryers.

I am reminded now and then when a recipe says to use a large bowl, use one. I've splattered batter all over the place using too small of a bowl with the mixer, cooked something in the microwave that wasn't in a big enough bowl to have it boil all over and make a mess, and pouring something into a not quite big enough bowl to have it spill over. Now, I just pull out my biggest bowl and use it and if I need a smaller bowl, transfer my batter or whatever I'm making into the smaller bowl if I need to. It's less complicated that way. I've been known to have a pie or cobbler spill over now in the oven and create a burnt mess and then set off the fire alarm. Don't feel bad Monique, you aren't alone.

My first attempt at making cookies. I think I was about 11. I messed up the salt content. I put 1/2 cup instead of 1/2 teaspoon. They were horrible, and I think that is why I don't like making cookies to this day.

I made a root vegetable gratin once, when i was a more of a novice in the kitchen. I used half and half instead of the cream the recipe called for, and it was all clotted and curdled in the pan....it was just really, really unappealing to many senses to eat, and I ended up just tossing it.

I can't cook rice without setting off the fire alarm. Really. I keep extra towels handy to fan the alarm, since I can't always jump up to take the batteries out. Once this happened during my dorm days at 4am, and the entire dorm had to evacuate because of me. Not so good. I've also been known to burn a few pies.

There have been so many... I picked up butterfly and flower cookie cutters at a yard sale, the nice, copper Martha Stewart ones. I bought all the various goodies to make them all decorated cute for a baby shower. I labored over them for hours, but when I stood back, they looked horrible, like a second-grader had decorated them. The colors were so bright and fake, they did not look appetizing, though they were pretty good. I ended up eating them myself, and I picked up something for the shower from a bakery.