100 Calories: White Girl with a Fat Ass

By: Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons (View Profile)

  • BATTERY NOT INCLUDED ($47.95) (I’m fully functional, no hidden fees)
  • Will run 9.5 hours at 1/2 load. (I’ll run all night on two 7&7’s)
  • 5.5 gallon fuel tank. (See note about 7&7’s)
  • 73 dBA (I have no clue what this means, but I’m better!)


The biggest reason I am superior to a Yamaha Generator is that I won’t always be 191 lbs. In fact since I originally wrote that list, I now weigh 187 lbs. But only the generator is a cold thing that can be solely classified in basic terms, like how much it weighs. I am a hot woman who will keep working to get healthy, fight for hunger relief, and change her priorities for life. God, how much do I wish there was a 100 Calorie pack for that! 

Help me raise money and awareness for hunger relief while I strive to overcome lifelong food and body image issues. Ashamed at being unable to control my eating, I decided cleaning my plate wasn't helping starving children anywhere but there are positive things I can do every day to help end hunger and inspire myself to be healthy. If you’d like to donate towards my goal, CLICK HERE. If you want to peruse more of Kelly Jean’s foibles, visit her blog at www.jellykean.wordpress.com.

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posted: 06.03.2008
Sara Musfeldt
100 minute hangover...what I wouldn't give.
posted: 06.02.2008
Meredith Schwartz
I have, more than once, had to keep myself from buying those 100 calorie snack packs. I just keep thinking that there must be better ways to ingest 100 calories than rice cakes or chips.
posted: 05.29.2008
Sophie Campbell
they make so much sense for me and my busy life too!!! But like you, I cannot get past the packaging and outrageous pricing. I almost just say f*#k it and avoid the pre-packaged aisle at the grocery store like the plague. Great writing, this was a fun article.
posted: 05.17.2008
Sandra Dubose
Kelly - you are hilarious. Your wit and great writing style must run in your family. I hope that you keep writing so we can all say, "I knew Kelly BEFORE her books were made into movies..." By the way readers, I had the pleasure of meeting Kelly, and she is extremely beautiful and definitely not fat. Great job - A+
posted: 04.06.2008
Mark Roddey
Excellent article. Humorous and informative.
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