100 Calories: White Girl with a Fat Ass

By: Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons (View Profile)

Recently house-sitting for a friend of mine, I discovered the concept of 100 calorie snack packs. This is where basically any junk food in the world is pre-portioned out for you into individual 100 calorie packs. I will spare you the obvious commentary on how that’s essentially paying more for less. I won’t say how all that extra packaging is bad for the environment. Or point out how easily one could then apply Garfield’s theory (yes, the cat) that eating a whole pie one slice at a time actually has far less calories than consuming said pie en masse. What struck me was how embarrassingly ideal these 100 calorie packs are for me. I am someone who has always had trouble with portion and control when it comes to food. And well, life. How much to I wish this concept could be applied to other areas of life.

How about a vodka pack that only gives you 100 minutes of a hang over?

Or a smoking pack that may risk only 100 hours of cancer? Okay, that still doesn’t seem worth it. But I’ve never been a smoker. I can’t fathom paying that much money for something that goes into your mouth but you can’t swallow.

What about a 100 kisses pack that guarantees the exact right amount of fun without any heartbreak? I’d buy those in bulk.  Wait ...

Having always been ashamed that my problem is I have too much. That I can’t control myself with food while others go without, I began to look into positive ways to empower myself over the helplessness I felt at being overweight. To make my battle not only about improving my own health but to fight for hunger relief. Educating myself on the subject I found this quote on Bread.org“But we CAN end hunger. We have the mean. The financial costs to end hunger are relatively slight. The United Nations Development Program estimates that the basic health and nutrition needs of the world’s poorest people could be met for an additional $13 billion a year. Animal lovers in the United States and Europe spend more than that on pet food each year. What makes the difference between millions of hungry people and a world where we all are fed? Only a change in priorities. Only the will to end hunger.”

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Comments
posted: 06.03.2008
Sara Musfeldt
100 minute hangover...what I wouldn't give.
posted: 06.02.2008
Meredith Schwartz
I have, more than once, had to keep myself from buying those 100 calorie snack packs. I just keep thinking that there must be better ways to ingest 100 calories than rice cakes or chips.
posted: 05.29.2008
Sophie Campbell
they make so much sense for me and my busy life too!!! But like you, I cannot get past the packaging and outrageous pricing. I almost just say f*#k it and avoid the pre-packaged aisle at the grocery store like the plague. Great writing, this was a fun article.
posted: 05.17.2008
Sandra Dubose
Kelly - you are hilarious. Your wit and great writing style must run in your family. I hope that you keep writing so we can all say, "I knew Kelly BEFORE her books were made into movies..." By the way readers, I had the pleasure of meeting Kelly, and she is extremely beautiful and definitely not fat. Great job - A+
posted: 04.06.2008
Mark Roddey
Excellent article. Humorous and informative.
It feels good to write.

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