Lesson number one in the mysterious and illusory art of Phat Shui: the method of uncellulite-ing your body by unfattening your mind.
Meditation exercise. Light a scented candle. Pick a scent that makes you want to eat the candle. Vanilla is good. My preferred candle is a new ice cream-flavored one that to me smells like love. As you breathe in the aroma, empty your mind and bring forth a body image-centered visual memory. For Phat Shui purposes only, the more embarrassing the better.
Closing my eyes, I picture myself in our neighborhood pool as a teenager. Swimming was my favorite activity because under the water I’m safe from how I look in my swim suit. Secretly, I sneak away from the others. Hovering over a strong jet of water in the corner of the pool, I place my chubby thigh next to the stream. The pulsating water pushes my extra thigh-chub to the side and in the center of the concave flesh is a small beautiful section of my smoothed thigh. What I always imagined I would look like if thin. Must I swim away?
Yes, swim away Grasshopper. Blow out your candle and with it blow away the negative emotions of your Phat Shui memory recall. Take the good from this memory. Whether it is how far you have come from—in my case that sad submerged adolescent—or even how silly this embarrassing moment now seems once meditated on by the glow of an ice cream-scented candle. Whenever you catch a whiff of the potent smell of your candle’s food fragrance, it will now forever contain the bittersweet odor of humiliation and pleasure. This in turn will center your food brain as to your upcoming nutritional choices.
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