Hungry Alex? White Girl With a Fat Ass

By: Kelly Jean Fitzsimmons (View Profile)


Here are personal myths that I struggle with:

1. Drinking straight liquor to avoid the extra calories in mixed drinks means you can have twice as many drinks.

2. If you end up puking at the end of the night, you come out ahead.

3. Free food, or catering fallout from office meetings, has no calories.

4. A two drink minimum is a waste of money unless you get Long Island Ice Teas.

5. Hot wings are safe to eat because chicken is protein and protein is good. 

6. Twenty-five cent hot wings are no longer a food but now a challenge.

7. If you don’t see the guys at the diner slather butter over both slices of bread on your grilled cheese sandwich, than it has the same calories as when you use soy cheese and SmartBalance at home.

8. If you are simultaneously crying hysterically and consuming chocolate, you come out even.

9. Filling the pan with oil is NOT the only way he knew how to cook an egg. *Personal experience myth, does not apply to most rational humans.

10. Eating thirteen 100 calorie packs of Cheeze-its over the course of an evening has less calories than eating an entire box of Cheeze-its.  Or, if you leave a small amount at the bottom of the box the mere fact that you have not eaten an “entire box” of Cheeze-its drastically cuts the calories.

Did you laugh over my neurotic outlook on food? If you did CLICK HERE, and donate $5 to Bare Ass 2008! All donations are anonymous and go directly through my charity badge to America’s Second Harvest. WGWaFA is now charging for laughter at her expense, no more giving it away for free. You hear that Alex P. Keaton? 

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posted: 04.07.2008
Rebecca Brown
Oh, I know the "leave a small amount at the bottom of the box/container" trick. I know it well - and so do the people who've had to live with me and look forward to eating a little Haagen Daaz only to find one bite left! Love your hilarious perspective on all this - i hope you're getting lots o' donations!
posted: 04.06.2008
Mark Roddey
Informative and very funny! Darlin', you have a wicked sense of humor.
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