Conquering Sugar Addiction: Sugar, or My Life

I don’t suffer from cravings. So why did I eat it, besides the fact that sugar is ingrained in every holiday, outing, or celebration? I ate sugar because I felt deprived; or I wanted pleasure, or I felt like lightening up. I ate sugar because it connected me to my childhood, and all my happy memories. Or I bargained with myself, justifying that I could handle sugar because I felt so good (forgetting that I was feeling good because I wasn’t eating sugar.)

But this spring, after one too many sugar binges, I embraced a new truth about myself: I can’t eat sugar. Ever. I’ll be sugar free for the rest of my life.

I didn’t want to accept this. I still secretly wanted to eat sugar, just without the negative side effects. The prospect of never eating apple pie or a chocolate chip cookie again was so heartbreaking that I couldn’t stay the course. But I had to accept my truth: that my body doesn’t react normally to sugar. I can’t eat a sugary treat, every now and then, without leading to a binge. I had to get to the point that my sugar binges were making me so miserable that the alternative, abstinence, looked appealing.

Here’s what woke me up:

I can’t live the life I want to live if I’m binging on sugar. I can’t be the parent (my children will gleefully relay that sugar turns me into Witch Mommy), wife, woman (it’s really hard to feel good about your body when you feel sick and bloated from overeating), writer, or friend that I want to be while I’m depressed and eating sugar out of control.

It became a question of sugar, or my life.

I chose my life.

It was an easy decision. Easy in that I knew what I wanted. And yet its implementation means giving myself excellent self care, support, and nurturing: I eat three meals a day, everyday. (It’s hard to resist sugar when you’re starving.) I do my best to get a good night’s sleep. (It’s also hard to resist sugar when you’re exhausted.) When I go out to dinner, I choose a restaurant that has something I want to eat. I don’t buy Halloween candy or do Christmas baking. I carry food with me when I’ll be gone for the day.

Does this sound hard? No, what’s hard is looking in the mirror and not liking what I see; not being able to fit into my clothes because I’ve been diving into the granola; hiding myself from the world because I’m depressed. That is hard. Supporting myself is easy.

I don’t crave sugar now. Really. It’s a no-brainer for me. When we made chocolate cupcakes for my son’s birthday a few months ago, the sickeningly sweet smell of the cupcakes made me sick.

Abstaining from sugar doesn’t deprive my spirit, but nurtures it. Avoiding my life purpose because I’m sugar addicted, however, does. An easy choice, after all.