Choosing to Lose Weight

Skinny Me
I have a weight problem and it isn’t about my age, it’s about me. Throughout my childhood, adolescence, and young adulthood weight was never an issue. I had a great body! I ate what I wanted and exercised when the mood struck me, usually bundled with something fun.

My Battle with Eating and Dieting
If I look back to when I first started this battle it was in my early thirties. We had moved overseas and my youngest child started school. I had a lot of time on my hands during the day, I was not able to work and my husband was away a lot. I think snacking became a way to deal with the boredom and a way to nurture myself.

When we moved back home two years later I had to figure out how to lose the ten pounds I had gained. Because I had never had to watch what I ate, I had no idea how to do it. I finally gave in and joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I lost all the weight and stopped going.

I realize as I look back that this was the beginning of a pattern with me. As long as I was busy, and felt fulfilled I didn’t need to nurture myself with food. Each time my life seemed to slow down and have some empty space in it, I filled the boredom with food.

Those of you out there waging this same battle get what I mean. If you don’t fill the voids in your life with food, you may have other vices like smoking, drinking, shopping, gambling that you succumb to.

Nurturing Myself
I have joined weight loss programs and tried diets probably six times in the last twelve years. Each time I lose the weight and then go back to my norm only to gain more the next round. I now have gained over thirty pounds in the last two years. In total I have most likely gained and lost my full body weight in the last fifteen years.

I came to realize yesterday that food is a huge “love language” for me. I love to cook and I love to feed my family. My son dropped by unexpectedly yesterday and I felt anxious because I didn’t have anything special in the house to feed him.

As I write this I am realizing that this does indeed come from my childhood.