Is the Right Side of the Bed the Wrong One?

A bad day is often attributed to “waking up on the wrong side of the bed.” But most of us haven’t figured out which side is supposed to be the “right” one. Luckily, a study commissioned by the UK-based Premier Hotel Chain has the answer for us.

Following a “hot debate” by a sleep scientist, a Feng Shui expert, and a motivational speaker, the final conclusion to the bedside conundrum was that left was right, and right was wrong.

But, like the Sandman, the Tooth Fairy, and monsters under the bed, it’s hard to find concrete evidence for why this situation supposedly exists.

The conclusion was based on a combination of psychology and Feng Shui. Psychologists know that the left side of the brain uses logic and rational thought, and that the right side relies more on emotion and imagination. Feng Shui, the ancient Chinese practice of placing items in harmony with an environment, associates the left side of the bed with family, health, money, and power.

The thinking is that exiting on the left side (when you’re lying on your back) focuses your energies toward this logical, good side and away from your emotional, stressed right side. Logical lefties will not push the snooze button five times before finally rousing, will not bonk their heads upon entering the shower, and will not mistakenly put decaf in the coffee maker. Most of all, they will not cry, like those sissy, emotional right-siders.

Of course, to believe the left=good theory, you also have to believe in Feng Shui, which, to the best of my knowledge, has yet to be “proven.” Although the study’s Feng Shui expert, Jan Cisek, has a long list of credits, including co-founding the Feng Shui Society of Great Britain, he also, according to his Web site, has “extensive expertise” in “geopathic stress, EMF pollution, dowsing, ghost busting, fractality, and earth acupuncture.” I’m sorry, ghost-busting? I thought you had to have a power-pack on your back to be qualified for this. And earth acupuncture? You could spend a lifetime just trying to find the right meridians.