With a one-night stand, the approach is all about not having to worry later. If a one-night stand is your plan, then you really just want to have fun and be done. If you know that the type of sex that you’re planning on having is low risk, then you may not even feel like you need to ruin the experience by having a talk at all. But that’s definitely not everyone’s operative.
Q: Is asking someone and trusting that they’re being honest enough? Or do you insist on them getting tested?
Andy: I haven’t insisted on anyone getting tested. However, I have asked people if they have been tested and when. If they can’t remember the last test time, even generally speaking, then I tend to imagine that they don’t really know their status and I take more caution. Often I’ve gotten into relationships that end up getting serious and independently we’ll both have gotten tested in the first few weeks without telling each other. It’s a nice way of being able to say to someone, “I care about you and that’s why I needed to be sure,” without sounding that cheesy.
Q: If you find out you have an STI after sleeping with someone, how should this be handled? Is there a way to notify them?
Andy: If I slept with someone and the next day they were diagnosed with syphilis or gonorrhea, I would want to know, and I would want to know fast. If you are sexually active with more than one partner, then there can be many people directly affected if you get an STI and don’t know it. The flip side, if I found out I had an STI, I would feel like it’s my duty to tell my partners. So many STIs don’t have symptoms and it’s just not worth it (or very nice) to comfort yourself by thinking that your partner will eventually figure it out. They may...but it might be awhile.
I think the best way is to just tell the person. Call them, email them, or tell them if you’re seeing them in person. The trouble is, STIs are still embarrassing and shameful and no one wants to do it this way.
