In an ideal world, talking to a partner about sexually transmitted infections (STIs) would be as easy as Salt-N-Pepa make it out to be:
Let’s talk about sex, baby Let’s talk about you and me Let’s talk about all the good things And the bad things that may be Let’s talk about sex
But alas, we do not live in a Salt-N-Pepa world. We live in a HIV, HPV, BV, gonorrhea, herpes, and Chlamydia world, where talking about the “bad things” before sex can be seriously scary stuff.
So how do we do it? I consulted my friend, Andrew Woodruff, who has worked for the State of California’s STD Control Branch and is now a Research Associate at a non-profit that develops Internet technologies to prevent disease transmission. He gave his opinion on the when, where, how, and why of the pre-sex STI (sexually transmitted infection, see below) talk.
Q: When you haven’t slept with someone yet (or been physically intimate in some way), when’s the best time to have the talk?
Andy: If I know the person is a one night stand (or I’m hoping they are) then I would rather talk to them during the hour or minutes we’re together, but before we’re naked (after you’re naked, it’s hard to go back). On the other hand, if you really like the person and think that you are going to want to see them again, the talk is much scarier. Not because you have something to hide, but because the decision feels more like “do we trust each other?”, whereas with a hookup, the discussion feels more like, “do you have cooties?”
Q: How should one broach the subject? And how should this approach differ between a one-nighter and a committed relationship?
Andy: For me, the discussion is different for a few reasons. With a person that I really like and want to see again (or have been dating), then the discussion is approached more as a negotiation. We know we want to have sex (or have been) and we most likely want to work towards doing so without barriers. So that brings up more trust issues and starts to involve other people they might be sleeping with...and then how those relationships need to be managed or how the sex needs to be protected in order to keep us both safe.
