Pain

It’s a hard thing to explain.

Pain.

This is not lower case pain. The kind you take one pill for and then feel better. This is Pain. Capital P. It has it’s own life, works on it’s own volition, and refuses to listen to my pleading and begging.

It all started a year ago. After coming home from a concert, I sat down and felt the sharp, stabbing pain overtake my neck, arm, mind. Frozen, I could barely think and my body screamed at me. Herniated disc in the neck, was the diagnosis, my doctor explained as she prescribed several drugs to help dull the Pain. I went home, and sat for months. Staring at the TV, unable to sleep, unable to lie down, unable to move. Instead of cutting through the screaming muscle spasms, and shrieking nerves, these drugs were like covering your ears with your hands at a rock concert.

Months later, I could move around a bit, and the Pain became less severe. I kept hoping, waiting, for full relief … but it never came. Dull aches, pins and needles, and burning sensations spread throughout my body, and sleep avoided me. Finally, a new doctor, listened to my story. Heard about my pain. And said some words that put a name to my ailments:

Fibromyalgia. A chronic condition, that refers to widespread, chronic pain … making every movement difficult, sleep impossible, and attacks at the oddest times.

I am now on medicine to help me sleep, after a year of waking up so many times in a night, that a “good night’s rest,” became a joke. Rest is now a blessed reality, when I put my head down on my pillow at night. What a wonderful concept! Sleeping at night, without waking up! I love it. The days are often a trial … and it can be difficult to explain at times, why I can’t go out with friends, when my body feels like it is on fire. People say, “Push past the pain. Don’t let a few aches hold you back from your life.” But they really don’t understand the notion of Pain. They refuse to accept that it is more than an ache or two, but rather an overwhelming disease that affects every aspect of your life. It eats away at your rationality, plays with your emotions, and destroys hope due to its chronic nature.

So that is Pain. A simple story … which is really an inadequate description of it’s ruthlessness, and cruel impact on  not only my life … but that of many others as well.