What helped me to acknowledge the fact that I had an eating disorder was when I started to notice that my relationship with food and my body was interfering with my ability to function normally, especially socially. My diet, my exercise regimen, and my preoccupation with my weight were interfering with my ability to relate to others in healthy ways.
One of the first times that it really hit me that something was not right in my life was when my boyfriend, whom I was quickly falling in love with, called and asked me if I wanted to go out to lunch. It was a last minute invitation, and I was caught off guard. I hesitated. I found myself thinking about the fact that I did not want to go out and eat restaurant food that would surely result in my consuming more calories than if I stayed home and made myself the lunch that I was accustomed to eating every day. My boyfriend noticed my hesitation and said, “Why can’t you just be excited to spend time with me and say yes?” The question stuck in my mind. Why couldn’t I just react that way?
This was when I knew that I did not like what my life had become. I realized that my relationship with food was interfering with my relationship with my boyfriend and it really scared me. There was a part of me that wanted to stick to my diet more than I wanted to enjoy time with someone that I really cared about.
Many people who have someone in their life that they suspect may have an eating disorder are overly focused on what the person weighs, what and how much they eat, or how much they exercise. Yes, imbalance in all of these areas can indicate a disordered relationship with food and body, but these things do not get at the core of the problem. Weight and food are not what it is really about and they are not what is important. What matters is our connectedness to others. What matters is what is going on on the inside.
