Hi my name is Zaira and I am 23 years old. I have never done this before and I am hoping that by doing this I will feel better about who I am. About a year ago I was a size eighteen and I weighed about 190 pounds after I had had my baby girl. I was very depressed especially because of post partum and I did not want to do or go anywhere. I have now lost forty five pounds and I am now about a size eleven or ten. Depending on pants or a dress. I get more attention now (from guys…which I love, what girl doesn't?) and my fiancée says that I look great. I go out with friends and I am almost back to my normal self (before the pregnancy and weight gain).
Everything is great for me now—but that is only on the outside. I don't feel great inside. I am constantly exercising I spend days where I only eat fruits and or vegetables. I am losing weight constantly. My pants are loose but I feel fat or I am afraid that I will gain it back if I enjoy it (that I actually lost some weight). I know I am not fat but I feel that I am. I am more ready to accept someone who tells me that I am fat that someone who tells me that I am not.
It is scary because I don't want to be anorexic but I am afraid that I might be. And when I find myself not eating, I quickly buy something unhealthy or eat large amounts of food so as not to feel that way but I regret it after I eat it. I spend two hours in the evening working out and two hours early in the morning...I think I am obsessed with this…and I am afraid to accept that I have a problem.
