Well I am 21 years old and I have been battling with my appearance for as long as I can remember. Well it started when I was really young being conscious of my appearance. When I was about 9 I got my first period. In that time frame I got hips and weight I didn't know what to do with. I was not really self-conscious of it because nobody ever said anything, kids didn't make fun of me I didn't loose friends. So when I was about 11 we were at my grandparents for 4th of July and I was going inside to go get something to eat, as I was walking in I heard my grandfather make a comment about me being a butterball. From that point on I have been so self conscious of my body and the way I look.
It didn't really start until I was in 7th grade, I started not eating all day all I would have was a soda at school all day, I don't think I ever lost weight but my parents starting noticing I would lock myself in my room the second I would got home and not eat dinner. This only lasted a little while, until my dad started pulling me out of my room and forcing me to eat something. For while after that I gave it up and continued normal eating habits. Through the years I battled back and forth with periods of not eating much. When I was about 16 I experienced “getting rid of it” after eating, really it was by accident. I ate too much at a family function and I felt so sick to my stomach so I did it. Then for a little while I did it only when I had too much to eat, again didn't lose any weight by doing this so I quit. Over the years as I grew and wasn't too early in my adolescent times I thinned out a little always stayed between 115 and 120. I am 5'3.
Well over the years I have always kept my eating at a minimum during the day but would be so hungry by the end of the day I could not control myself. So when I was about 20, actually last year in March I started to “get rid of it” again. Well this time it didn't stop and it continued, instead of only doing it once a day, only after dinner, I started doing it after every meal or every snack.
What to Do?
By: J C (View Profile)
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You've clearly recognized you need help. Please don't let this precious window of realization - and opportunity - close again. Remember there are many people who have battled the same thing your battling and they have come through it. You can too. I read the other day that as many as 15 percent of young women adopt unhealthy attitudes and behaviors about food. So firstly you're not alone and second there are many proven routes you and those who love you can take. Please help yourself - for real - and very soon.
I think it is very important and a step in the right direction, that you have decided to write this, and ask for help. Is there a close friend or family member that you could talk to and help you through this? I know the pressures of staying thin can seem to override everything, especially in this beauty obsessed society. But what you need to realize, is that your health, and mental well being are much more important. I hope you seek the help that you need to get through this very difficult period of your life.
Hi JC. I am worried about you. It doesn't matter that the doctor didn't notice your eating disorder; you know it's there. Your body is malfunctioning, you wrote so yourself. You say you want your outside to match the beauty of your inside. How is that possible it you keep attacking it and depriving it of nutrients? What did you end up telling the doctor as your symptoms?
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