Cathy’s Secret

By: Brenda Martin (View Profile)

They wanted to turn her life support off, they said she was not responding. Because she had been on life support to long, two weeks was supposed to be the maximum. She was on it nearly 2 months; they done a brain scan and told us she had only 15% left. I told them no, she is responding to us (family) I even had 8 witnesses, two of them were nurses.

The doctor said they could not get an accurate reading, because they would have to completely take her off her pain medicines, they couldn’t, because every time they tried she would crash, they could not even lay her back or she would crash. I told them she is not a dog, she is a human, and she is responding.

Everyday when I went to the hospital, a nurse would walk in and tell me she was very sick. I heard this everyday. I guess they were trying to prepare me. That is how bad her lungs were. We, the family, were called in several times, but she pulled through. They would say I don’t know what happened, but she is okay now. They wanted to do a trachea, but they couldn’t lay her back to do it or she would crash. They bothered her husband everyday asking him to sign a DNR form, and he would not do it because he was afraid as soon as he signed it, something would surely happen then. They said if she does make it, she would be on the ventilator for the rest of her life.

Her lungs were stiff, they said they look like honeycombs.

I was with her all the way, I loved her so much, if she had of come to me, I could have got her help.

February 12, 8:00 visiting hours, I was there. I noticed things were not right. Her oxygen level was in the 60’s and that was not good, her face and neck was red, she was not getting enough oxygen, the machine was doing all it could do. She had two tubes in her chest to drain fluids. When she first went in she had 13 IV bags hanging above her bed, you could just touch her skin and it would leave your finger impressions on her. She had pitting edema. I noticed her blood pressure kept dropping down, one time I looked and it was 65/13.

They had brought an x-ray machine in there and said she had pneumonia again.

I was holding her hand and watching her monitor. It had the word alarm on it, and it had numbers beside of it, it was counting down. The alarm went off when it got down to 0. The nurses and doctors come running in, and told us to step outside the door.

On my way out the door I looked back and I seen her heart go to 290 beats per minute.

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posted: 06.25.2007
Flower 65
I am so very sorry for your loss. I have a brother , no sister, but he is the dearest thing in the world to me, no friend can share all your memories and experiences. I know you've heard time and again that this wasn't your fault, but you have to beleve it. Bulimia is a terrible, terrifying disease and people that have it often have the gene for addiction. You did say your sister was addicted to Morphine. You were fighting an uphill battle, but knowing you were there for her, even though she sometimes acted as though she lied, must have been a tremendous comfort to her. Now...comfort yourself. It's time to allow yourself son\me peace. My thoughts are with you,and your family.
posted: 05.16.2007
Suha Araj
Hi Brenda, your story is heartbreaking. I want to thank you for sharing it with us, I know that it will help others who are going thru loss. You are in my thoughts.
posted: 05.16.2007
Caroline Boussenot
Sometimes things happen that have no rhyme or reason. We find ourselves in situations we never thought we would have to endure, faced with hurt and loss, sadness and ache. The best we can do is be present with ourselves and be there with the ones we are supporting, which you did. Thank you for sharing your story, it is an important step in your healing process to open up to others and tell what you have gone through.
posted: 05.15.2007
Meredith
Brenda - I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Know that you did all you could, it sounds like you were a wonderful sister to Cathy who cared for her very very much and did everything in your power to help her. Your story hits close to home because I have been struggling with bulimia for about 4 years now and am on the road to recovery so I can tell you from experience that people with bulimia don't want to admit they have a problem, lies get rationalized until we believe it is the truth. I believe in your grief you can help girls that are dealing with bulimia. You may also find it healing for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
posted: 05.04.2007
Rebecca Brown
I am so, so sorry for your loss...I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose a sister. But you have to know that you did all you could. Bulimia is partially about control so I'm guessing she made a huge effort to hide it from you until she couldn't hide it anymore. Maybe you can find a support group for families of people who suffer bulimia, or if not a support group, there are quite a few counselors and therapists who specialize in helping with this. In either case, it's important to remember that this was not your fault.
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