My Story About My Friend Mia

I am writing this after I have binged and purged. I am also writing this while I should be writing my paper for my advertising class. I will also purge after I finish this.

I fit your classic bulimic stereo type. Thin but not too thin. You would never think I am anorexic but you would probably tell me to gain 5 pounds. Everything seems fine on the outside. I am always smiling and laughing. You would think that my life is perfect. But it isn’t. My world is chaotic and spiraling out of control. I restrict myself from any foods that are carbs, fat or sugar. Later I binge ‘til my stomach hurts because it is so full, than I stick my finger down my throat until all my problems are in the toilet. Unfortunately, the food gets flushed but none of my problems. 

I should be a happy little girl. My parents aren’t divorced. I live at home with my own private cute room. My parents bought me a brand new car when I was 17 and I have a lot of friends and a handful of genuine friends. I am about to finish college. Everything should be grand, but there is this void inside of me I can’t fill. I wish I could be around people but at the same time I have anxiety around people. 

Food is my security. The instant the cookies hit my lips I automatically feel happy. I can’t think about anything else but that sensual pleasure of the Nutter Butter cookie. Once someone told me when I see you eat you have this “happy” look on your face. Yes, I do have a happy look, because I love food. I’m obsessed about food. Whether it’s writing every single thing I eat in my journal, looking up food labels at the supermarket or reading fitness magazine. My life evolves around food and how to avoid it, purge it or burn it off at the gym. 

I would like to blame my parents for my illness and yes maybe they are to blame partially. As a child I was happy and content but looking back I feel like my childhood could have been better. I will be one of those parents whose children are in sports, art and music classes, summer camps, and any organization deemed worthy of their participation. I want my child’s childhood to be filled with ski trips, beach bonfires, Friday movie nights, museum days, shopping trips and fabulous birthday parties.