I began drinking more simply to numb the pain of my existence. I feared everyone and everything, and I reached a point where I would only leave my apartment get more food and alcohol. My mom was extremely worried about, but didn’t know what to do. She would drop by my apartment or call just to make sure that I was alive, that I hadn’t decided to end it all. She made an appointment for me with a psychiatrist, and I went with some hope that there was a way out. This is where my journey of recovery began.
I was convinced that I was going crazy, but when my psychiatrist mentioned being an alcoholic, I was thought that he was the crazy one. However, I was surprised to find that I could not stop drinking on my own. I finally went to an AA meeting one day as he suggested, simply to get him off of my case, and besides, I didn’t have much else to do.
It was nice to be around people again, and everyone there was so warm and accepting. They knew the pain that I was going through and were there to help. I was able to stop drinking, but without the alcohol to soothe me, the bulimia was more out of control than ever. I didn’t know where to go or what to do, but I knew that there had to be a way out of this madness and I never completely gave up. I slowly began reconnecting with God, as I was able to see him in a new way and knew that only He had the power to save me.
God placed a lady named Juli in my path, and I was able to really open up to her, as she was in recovery from an eating disorder. I was taken aback when she mentioned going to treatment, thinking that I wasn’t that bad and could do it on my own. However, on October seventeenth, I entered a rigorous six-week treatment program. I was scared but willing. It was there that I was able to fully surrender my eating disorder to God, and before long the compulsion that I had always felt around food was gone.
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