But, despite all of this, the lies, the excuses, the purging, the thinking, being miserable and foggy, I am still the same body shape. It is not fair. I can’t win. It angers me to the point where I have even tried cutting myself, lame … maybe, but the fact that I stole the X-Acto knife just for that purpose is beyond my knowledge. I am not losing noticeable large amounts of weight like other girls who go through this do. I am lost, and need to feel skinny to be happy. Feeling full, fat, and gross feeds my angry and upset emotions to act up and make me take my anger out on other people around me. I am unhappy and I go through everyday feeling like I am not even here … I am only a person who is wanting to escape herself.
Is this an eating disorder or not?
