I just did it. I actually held the Twinkies in my hand, ready to open the wrappers and ridiculously stuff them into my mouth, as my body and hands begin shaking relentlessly. Then something wonderful happened.
I put them back. I didn’t do it. I said to myself, I’m going to NOT do this and feel great tonight, feel hungry for dinner, spare my digestive system of this destruction I’ve been causing it. What an unbelievable feeling. I believe that was the FIRST time I had food in hand, preparing to race against time and fear, and suddenly just stopped. I said, “I don’t need this, I don’t need to do this.” Jesus Christ. What an accomplishment.
I feel like I’ve just conquered the world, when all I’ve done is stopped a binge before it started. My eyes are clear, my hands soft from lotion, my salivary glands lack swelling, and my throat isn’t sore. Plus, the garbage isn’t stuffed with wasted food wrappers.
My goodness, what a horrible habit! I know many of you are reading this and saying “I wish I could do that.” Well, I was that somebody for a long time, and now I know I can do it. Doing it for the first time, even though it is only ONE time, can be the start of a habit you WILL keep. It’s time to eat dinner and keep it down, not throw it up. Food is fuel, not just pleasure. Pleasure is my new baby bunny, sitting in my room, scarfing down some romaine, carrots, and grapes.
A coincidence? Rabbits cannot throw up; they don’t have the reflex that we do. Maybe it’s a sign from God. He sent me my new bunny, Max, to save me from myself, my “unself.” Thank you God. One more step in the right direction.
