Alone in the World

As someone with a mental illness knows all too well, when you’re sick, depressed, and hiding from the world, you may create your own loneliness. During those times though, you feel like there’s no other choice. If you descend into something deeper and more maddening as my brother did, you really lose touch with the world. And then the mental illness seems to take over you.

My brother was diagnosed with schizophrenia when he was nineteen. He was a completely different person by this time, he had become socially awkward, his mannerisms were defined and he was now judged as strange. This is when my brother probably felt the most lonely and truthfully, there was no one there to help him.

I’m lucky now, as I can share my happy days with others, I’m able to also share my sad days, even though I sometimes edit them. I can explain my moods and know that although in moments of pain, I am lonely and I feel like others cannot understand, I’m still able to reach out to people and know the company of friends.

My brother isn’t able to do this. His illness has since catapulted him into someone who seems unable to connect with anyone. His illness had created a small, quiet world that when disturbed, he becomes unhinged. I see the true expression of loneliness in my brother. I see the pain this illness has caused.

I can imagine how lonely Britney must feel. Like my brother, she is misunderstood, the public makes hurtful judgments and true support seems to only come from family. Again, she is not the only one experiencing this. There are others out there, like her, like my brother, that have sunk into a place no one can see. They are fighting battles alone, to those including fighting off their own demons to learning how to do simple functions on a computer. On a larger scale, they are fighting to say their words, despite how small they feel inside. They are fighting battles, knowing that they may always be alone and they may never be able to express what’s going on inside their head. To me, I can imagine this may be one of the loneliest lives to lead.