I have done things in the past that “normal” people wouldn’t do. One time I had a great idea to cut my own hair—I thought I would do an amazing job—I ended up bald … and not just once—twice. I’ve walked into cold showers with all of my clothes on, I used to think about flinging the car door open and jumping out while it was moving, I used to cut, scratch, and bite myself because I didn’t know what to do about how I was feeling. When I’m manic I get very hyper, happy, and very talkative, but I also feel the need to have sex all the time, sometimes I wonder if it’s become an addiction. Then last year I completely lost it—I didn’t know what to do or where to turn and I took all of my medication (excluding the Klonapin because I learned in the day treatment program at the hospital when I was seventeen that if you took too much it would make you throw up). I had also hurt my back during that time and had pain killers, so I took those with the rest of my prescribed medication and over the counter sleep aids—needless to say, I tried to kill myself—luckily I didn’t succeed.
I have dreams—but I struggle with my own fears and anxieties—and deciding where to even start.
So I’m asking, please help me.
