Giving Voice to Pain That Has No Words

These labels often lead to disrespect and rejection from others. For example, Sarah is the CEO of a successful Silicon Valley company. She recently admitted self-injuring to her colleagues. In turn, several of them questioned her leadership capability. Rhonda is the chief editor of a small town newspaper. Some of her colleagues noticed the multiple scars on her forearm, and immediately treated her differently. One eventually asked her how many times she tried to kill herself and if she would ever hurt anyone else. When her boss found out, he too questioned her ability to perform job duties.

Once the problem is acknowledged, the next step is to find the motivation to stop. This may not be easy either since self-harm serves a purpose. First, you need to find out why you are doing it and then find alternative ways to fulfill the same need. For example, if you self-injure for stress reduction, then think about healthier ways to relieve tension. The purpose of treatment is to eliminate the distress you are feeling. Having some sort of psychological distress in and of itself may be your motivation to stop. Many individuals resist treatment in fear that their coping mechanism will be taken away from them with no replacement behavior to help them feel better. This does not need to be the case. Alternative behaviors as well as unproductive thoughts can be identified in therapy sessions.

There is often a certain cognitive process that occurs for people who self-injure. It is a thinking style that focuses on extremes and places the person at high risk for low self-esteem. Since there is no grey area within the dichotomy, the individual sees herself as either all good or all bad. This leaves little room for partial gratification, which leads to continual disappointment in life particularly in relationships with others. In addition, self esteem is highly dependent on external forces. Family, culture, and peer groups are all very influential in the person’s life causing her to be highly vulnerable when around these subsystems particularly if she is feeling misunderstood. For example, Andrea comments, “I often blamed myself for events that were outside of my control and rarely took responsibility for my own actions and their consequences.” Andrea’s motivation to be successful often came from the need to please others and not from within. In turn, she found herself constantly facing hurt and disappointment with herself and those around her. She self-injured to manage her feelings of “inner badness.”

It is important to investigate the way you think about yourself because these unproductive thoughts may lead to self-injury.