That is what my mom did. She tried to the best of her ability to keep it all “regular”; she protected us, even as adult children. She wouldn’t say the word cancer around us for the first several months, as if she was protecting us from this horrible disease that took over our lives. Unfortunately, she went through four surgeries, and after each surgery, a little piece of my mom was missing. Finally, with her last surgery in August of 2006, my mom started to change physically. I was angry during this time, wishing she would just “snap out of it.” I admit I was being selfish.
In August and September, I had my bridal showers—(my wedding was in October of 2006)—and I kept thinking of all those experiences a bride dreams about, and how they would have been so much different for us if she weren’t sick. A mother and daughter look forward to the day they get to collaborate and plan a wedding together. My mom and I got to do the early planning, but everything in the end was up to me, and I wish so much that she could have been a part of it. She tried so hard to participate, and she did participate as much as possible. But if my mom had been healthy, she would have been five steps ahead of me, always thinking of the next thing we needed to plan, make, etc.
She was an amazingly organized person; she ran a household that was always in pristine condition and juggled at least twenty-five things a day! Unfortunately, this disease took that wonderful gift away from her. She slowly was unable to juggle so many things, and eventually she was unable to assist in planning our wedding. Looking back, I think of how selfish I was, and how thankful I am she was there to take part in any and all of the festivities.
Although her physical attributes did change significantly toward the end, her personality was always strong. Even as she was taking her last few breaths, I sat next to her sobbing and she said, “Stop crying; everything is going to be okay.” My mother taught me how to live, and she also taught me how to die—as she did, with such ease and dignity.
