I hear the question asked frequently: how can I help my (mom, dad, brother, sister, spouse, friend) with their substance abuse problem? Watching the one you love get drunk or high on a regular basis is difficult for most. Seeing how they are hurting themselves and those around them due to their addiction can cause incredible sadness, anger, and frustration. Often the person wanting to help is left feeling hopeless and helpless, especially when attempts to help are met with resentment.
So where do you start? First, it’s important to identify why you are worried about your loved one. What exactly are you observing or hearing about from others that leads you to believe that your loved one has a problem? Once you have identified all of your concerns, list them on a piece of paper. It’s helpful to have a written list so that if you choose to intervene with your loved one, you can reflect upon the list if necessary. Most individuals who have a problem with alcohol or drugs will deny that they have a problem. Expect this denial.
People who don’t have a problem with drinking or drug use usually don’t get upset if you talk with them about their use. Conversely, people with a substance abuse problem get uncomfortable when the subject is brought up. It’s not uncommon for them to have a strong negative reaction filled with agitation and rage. Most likely, they will openly share their feelings of anger, irritation, and resentment with you. They will identify their “shock” and sometimes “utter disappointment” toward you for accusing them of being an “alcoholic” or “drug addict.”
As mentioned above, they will most likely deny that such a problem exists. If they cannot deny the amount that they use, they will likely claim they can stop whenever they want to or point out someone else who uses “way more” than them. Don’t be surprised if they try to identify that person as the one with the problem. Getting the focus off them is easier than having to look at themselves honestly. This focus can be diverted in many different ways as noted above. Be prepared for a counter attack on you or someone else close to the two of you as a way to get the attention off of them and onto that other person. This counter attack may or may not be centered around substance abuse.
