Again, because of the expected reaction discussed above, I would encourage you to choose a good time to talk with your loved one about his problem. I advise people to have this conversation when their loved one is sober. You cannot have a rational conversation with someone who is intoxicated, and intoxication can lead to a more emotional (and potentially hostile) reaction. Sometimes the ideal opportunity to talk with a loved one is after a period of heavy use when the person feels scared or remorseful. Another opportune time can be when the person has gotten into trouble with the law, harmed a relationship, or created problems at work or at school.
During your conversation with your loved one, try your best to avoid conflict. For example, if the person becomes hostile, remind him that you are bringing up the subject because you care about him. It’s important to back off and let him think about the concerns that you voiced. He will need some time to let your words fully sink in. Often people need to process the facts and their emotions before they can respond. Ideally they will accept your support and get the help they need. In order to do this they need to internally challenge their own self-deception. If the person completely disregards your words and does not approach you for further discussion, then feel free to bring the subject up again at the next good opportunity.
Sometimes, it feels as if there is no good opportunity. It may be better to talk with your loved one with someone else present versus talking to him alone. However, the most important thing to always remember is that safety should come first. In other words, do not approach someone alone if you believe you are in harm’s way. Try to ensure that the discussion occurs in a way and in a place that makes everyone feel safe.
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