Shrink Shopping

The therapist offers some insight or suggestion in the first session that hadn’t occurred to you.

He or she doesn’t charge you for the first session. Many successful shrinks will offer a free “consultation” before charging you.

They don’t get defensive or evasive when you ask questions. This can be a sign of someone without a lot of experience.

They schedule a regular time with you every week. Good therapy needs a consistent rhythm. Don’t work with someone who tries to squeeze you in once every few weeks. Once a week or more is what you’re looking for.

They seem relaxed. The last thing you want is a therapist who’s more anxious than you are.

You feel challenged. You should feel supported and understood while getting the sense that there will be some hard work on your part.

Bad Signs:

The therapist talks more than you do.

The therapist seems preoccupied with how much you’re going to pay them.

Instead of letting you begin the session with your concerns, they ask a long list of questions that seem unrelated to why you came. (Psychiatrists, however, will do this before prescribing medication).

The therapist makes you nervous . . . well, more than you usually would be telling a total stranger about your sexual problems.

The office (or therapist) strikes you as obnoxious, uncomfortable, or has an odd smell.

You feel pressured into working with them.

The therapist seems pushy or gives you advice that seems irrelevant or preposterous.

If you have mutual acquaintances or the therapist is seeing one of your friends, the therapist starts sharing private information about them.

Finally, and this one’s a whopper, the therapist should NEVER suggest that you meet outside of the office or have a relationship outside of therapy. If the therapist asks you to lunch or invites you to a party, it’s a major ethical breach and any decent therapist knows better.

Let’s tackle two more issues before you start shrink shopping: money and gender.

Therapy is an investment. It’s expensive. In the long run, it can cost more than a car or a new wing on your house. But when it works, it’s worth it. You can’t put a price on saving a marriage, defeating depression, or conquering fear. The high cost of therapy is also one of the ways that therapist knows that your serious about growth and change. Therapy doesn’t work unless the client is dedicated to the process.