In your situation, an example could be, “When I was away and you shared (husband’s name here) bed, I felt uncomfortable. Going forward, could we agree that when you visit, you will sleep in the guest room?” Address all of her boundary violations and don’t forget to ask for what you want and what you would like to have happen during her stay.
At the very least, this relationship with your mother-in-law demands that you become very clear and very conscious about your boundaries. This clarity, once defined, cannot help but spill over into other close relationships. It is a gift of great value from her if you use the situation to learn about yourself and to understand more about your own personal “yes/no” line in the sand—or in this case perhaps, in the concrete.
June Question
I have a lot of creative ideas, but I get really down on myself before I ever do anything with them. I say to myself, “Who do you think you are? You will never get to implement these … someone has probably done it, it’s too hard for you to do all the work involved.” Then I get paralyzed and do nothing but sleep, shop, or waste time in other ways.
People who meet me always comment on my creative style, humor, wit, or kindness. They are amazed by some of the projects I start but abandon.
I see a lot of my ideas being done by others who have great success with them. Can you help me with my self-defeating attitude? I have read a lot about visualization and affirmation. Do you think they work? If so, how do I begin?
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