Doing these things will rid you of all the pent up emotions causing the anger, causing the inappropriate behavior. It was a long hill to climb for me, starting at the very bottom. I went to a twelve step program, followed their guidelines, identified my problems, made amends to all I needed to, and began to live more functionally. I learned how not to have a fit when one of my kids spilled orange juice all over the floor I just washed. On my knees! Not really. I learned to give kids a little notice before you want them to just stop what they’re doing and come! My kids liked that. I learned how to talk in a calmer fashion. All this because I was getting rid of my demons. One of which, was my relationship with my father.
It was strained at that time, and was always a tug of war over control and domination. He always seemed so big to me. Once I began to learn what to do to heal myself, I talked our lives out with him, told him what had hurt me, and he told me he loved me and had always been proud of me. Those were the words I always wanted to hear, and I was thirty eight when I did. That got rid of a whole lot of baggage. It freed me to start enjoying life, and not yelling when I got mad, and not getting to that place as often, or as deeply. I was letting people go in front of me, instead of blowing my horn. I was slowing down for cars to get off their ramp and onto the highway, instead of cursing them out. Actually, I was surprising myself. There had been a lot of yelling and screaming in my home, so to be calm, and talk, not yell, was new territory for me. I had to get comfortable with it. I had to accept the fact that I could be functional. Dysfunctional always fit like a glove. Functional felt a little too fancy.
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