I Wonder What Drives Me So

I think I missed two. The knowledge I absorbed in those meetings has been priceless to me. I learned how not to sweat the unimportant annoyances of life. I was able to let go of my anger easier. I didn’t get angry as quickly either. And of course, I didn’t drink. That was over thirteen years ago, and the tools of those meetings are imbedded in my being, and guide me through this life of balance and imbalance.

My favorite saying I heard Maya Angelou say on Oprah, was, “We do what we know how to do, and when we know better, we do better.” This simple statement helped alleviate a lot of the anguish I felt from being so close to anger with my kids as they were growing up. Their father was gone for two weeks and home for two, and three kids and me alone for two weeks, was always an adventure. It felt like three ganging up against one, and of course, I was the one. My voice was loud, and angry, many a time. With a few swats here and there. Kids can drive you crazy, especially when they want to.

I learned how to deal better by all the avenues I took to get there. A few years went by, and I started going to a wonderful Reflexologist. As soon as you walk into her home, you feel the warmth, the positive energy, the feeling of calm and peace. She gives a cleansing Reflexology massage, and shares her many years of wisdom with me. I tuck each tidbit away for future use. It’s the only thing I do just for me. It’s as if I’m in another world while I lie on the table. I feel her healing hands release all the positive energy I block throughout the week with all the thoughts I don’t like to think, and all the emotions I don’t want to feel, and all the feelings that get twisted around in my gut. When I leave that room, it’s as if I’m in a different body. I don’t want to twist or turn or carry my heavy purse, or get stressed out, as to ruin the experience of feeling whole. No matter what happens during the following week, I can handle it in a better fashion. And then, it’s time to go again. I believe it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, and anyone I come in contact with!

I still want to calm down more.