I Wonder What Drives Me So

Certain things can really upset me, and I have Crohn’s, and stress is Crohn’s worst enemy. Once it comes out of remission, during these times of stress, it takes quite a while for it to calm down. In the meantime, there is depression, lethargy, crabbiness, sadness, pain, dehydration, malnourishment, and frequent trips to the bathroom, as in ten to twenty times a day. I would really like to avoid those bouts of Crohn’s acting up, telling me to learn more, and calm down more, and sweat the small stuff even less! It reminds me that I have to stop and think about what is happening, and how can I calm myself? A nice hot aromatherapy bath is one way. And talking myself through everything I’ve read, heard, learned, and experienced. There are times those thoughts are a million miles away, and I do suffer because of that, but I am getting better at closing out the harmful thoughts and actions, and reactions to people, places, and things.

I want to feel the way I do when I get off that Reflexology table, or when I’m soaking in that bubble bath, even when things are going wrong around me, and other people are choosing to act in inappropriate ways. I don’t know if that’s possible, but I can keep trying. There’s nothing like feeling that your mind, body and soul are in sync. It’s such a whole body and mind experience. I like how it feels, I guess that’s why I want peace in my life.