I Think I Can, I Think I Can!

My brain is so well-trained at telling me what I want to hear. My gut is another story. I have this bizarre trait called “eternal optimism” and what it does to me is continue to make me feel like I am still young and still in excellent health and still thin. My appearance tells me otherwise. My instinct (or my wisdom—that inner voice that comes from my gut) tells me I had better start facing the facts. I am real good at stifling that voice when I want to hear my brain instead. I think my brain is where the evil enters because it is generally telling me the things I know aren’t true. “Go ahead and eat that cake, you’ll have time to lose your weight later when you start your fitness program!” or “MMM...That is so delicious, have some more. Who cares if you’re overweight? Your kids will love you no matter what!” or “You’ll be able to fit into those clothes later when you lose some weight, so don’t throw them out.” or “There are lots of overweight people in the world and people still love them! Gorge yourself and be happy!”  I could go on and on with all the excuses and rationalization and justification that run through my mind. There are so many of them. I think my subconscious knows that if I keep on stuffing myself, I will keep that voice in my gut stifled. It makes sense. Let’s just throw some food on it so it can’t speak. All the while, my size is increasing. 

This reminds me of my addiction to meth. It is the same principle. The same goes for my addiction to cigarettes. Now that I am no longer doing drugs or smoking cigarettes, I am finding it easier to bury myself in food. And I thought I was doing so great because I am clean and sober and I wrote a book and got it published...I’ll bet I can now take out the word “meth” and replace it with “food”. I know what I need to do. I know what I should do. I know the difference between healthy food and junk food. I know I need to get off of my butt and work harder. It’s always there in the back of my mind “Tammy, you really should be doing your laundry and cleaning house instead of sitting there watching TV or sitting at the computer!” It seems like I just “get by” because I am a single mother to 4 children, ages 1-13, and they really need to pitch in too.