I am not setting a good example if I don’t pick up everything that’s lying around, but they also need to help. Through my recovery I have accomplished so much and I have so many things to be thankful for. So you would think that I would be more appreciative of what I have earned. (This is the pep-talk I need. I am so much more apt to do things after I put them in writing...)
I am also job-hunting...I have all these qualifications that don’t do one bit of good for me because of my background...Being a single mother, as well as going to church with my children Sunday mornings, Tuesday nights and Thursday nights, my hours pretty much have to be M-F between 7:30 am and 5:00 pm. Period. I know it sounds picky, and I am looking for office work, so it does fit. However, my background and my gaps in my work history (as well as being a bartender for 15 years) don’t do me any justice. I also cannot live on just minimum wage or even $9.00 and hour. I have to make at least $12. Now I am really getting picky. It does me no good to work for less when I have all these bills and living costs. I have found some pretty need job opportunities, if I want to work swing shifts (no way) or weekends (nu uh). I don’t know. I refuse to let myself get too discouraged, even though a part of me wants to. Every day I feel that part of me growing (just like my gut)—it is saying “Forget it, Tammy. You are not gonna find the job you need or want...You will just have to settle for anything and possibly risk your quality time with your kids.” I just wonder if that will make me feel any better? I am supposed to feel better if I am working—and I do want to work. I can’t imagine having to juggle any more than I am now—finding “night time care” for my babies and for my older two. Not to mention weekend care. Who am I kidding? I figured, like I have always figured, that a great job would just land in my lap because I have come so far and I deserve it. WRONG! I am on the waiting list to be hired by the county, but that takes 6-12 months for the hiring process. In the meantime, I have gone to temporary agencies and they have no temporary jobs, only temp-to-hire jobs. Do I dare go through the process anyway and risk my opportunity with the county?
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