Expert View
Carl Jung described the part of us that keeps us from the truth of our whole selves as the “the inner saboteur.” I love this term. When I think of my inner saboteur, I imagine a matador with a crimson cape who comes sweeping into the ring of my life, hacking away at everything I think I want. He demands that I wake up and look at painful areas of my life and ask, “What is the lesson here?” With consciousness and awareness on my part, he then exits (with much less drama), leaving behind the gift of awareness, which is choice.
With conscious awareness, Jung taught that we regain our power over ourselves and our lives. He wrote: “The archetypes are living psychic forces that demand to be taken seriously, and they have a strange way of making sure of their effect. Always they’ve been bringers of protection and salvation, and their violation has as its consequences the ‘perils of the soul.’”
It helps to give your inner saboteur (also called an inner critic), some kind of costume or character. In her work with the shadow side of archetypes, author Debbie Ford’s book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, asks clients to list parts of themselves that they don’t like or suppress, and give them silly names and characters. This character can be masculine or feminine. Take a moment and name the part of you that keeps you from happiness in relationships. What does he or she look like? What is he or she wearing? What function is he or she serving? In doing this quick exercise, you will gain greater awareness of this part of you, and with awareness comes freedom and the ability to embrace and transform this aspect of yourself.
London based psychologist Naomi Shragai believes that self-sabotage may help people avoid risk or rejection as it keeps them locked into a safe and repetitive, but unsatisfying, behavior pattern. It is not uncommon for fear of any kind to drive self-sabotage. Fear of success, fear of happiness, fear of having what you want, fear of intimacy, and just fear in general can keep behavior locked into place. To some extent, these fears are based on past experience. If you were raised to expect that relationships included emotional distance, and then experience closeness, this creates conflict. Sabotaging what has the potential to be an emotionally healthy relationship keeps you “safe” because it is what you know. But does it make you happy? Is it in your best interest? Can you bring parts of yourself into alignment and wholeness, into conscious awareness, and start making healthy choices for yourself?
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