I Tried to Explain to My Mother

I thought I was used to this after so long. But I guess I haven’t finished mourning that woman I wish I had had the chance to become. I would have liked her so much more than I like this me. This me sucks. This me is tired and afraid and seldom really happy. This me wants to die on a pretty regular basis, despite the meds. This me is a whiner. I was never a whiner.

So, I would like my RESET button please. I would like to keep all my brain chemicals and my sanity, and I would like to be able to take that Smithsonian job please. And maybe Alan and I would’ve had a child. Sometimes it really bites that you only get one chance.