I give up, I don’t sleep well anymore, I am tired. My skin has broken out from stress and I think my stomach is in a mess too because of stress. I have tried everything, I have prayed, begged, pleaded, I have gone down on my knees begging God for help for ten years now.
And nothing, things just get worst. I am done. I am done with God. That might sound crazy, things might not get better but at least I wont’ have the guilt of being angry with God. I won’t have to blame him every time which is all the time something goes wrong.
I have given up on God. I am crying while I write this, but I can’t take anymore. No father who loves his daughter would do this for ten years. It’s too much, I am human, not superhuman. Like everyone else who is alive, I am not perfect. But I am not a bad person. I don’t deserve this punishment. I don’t.
The mental torture I go through everyday is too much to handle. I am done. No more. Too much. God stopped listening to me a long time ago. So he won’t be surprised. I am done with God. I can’t let people keep hurting me. I just can’t. That includes God.
I am done. No more. No more begging, and pleading, and crying. No more. I am done.
I Give Up
By: Sherry R. (View Profile)
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Sherry, You sound so much like me 10 or more years ago. I was so sick mentally, emotionally and physically. All I wanted to do was die, put an end to the horrible pain I had to endure day in and day out. Trust me, life will get better. I'm so happy now that sometimes I cry because of all my blessings. Truly!! I get so overwhelmed thinking about everything that is so great in my life that all I can do is cry and thank God for what She has done for me. I got through my tough times with therapy, drugs and lots of (although extremely hard to do) believe that my situation had to improve. I was so sick mentally, (I was married to an abusive man) that I was diagnosed as a potential serial killer. I could actually understand why serial killers, or anyone that killed for pleasure, did what they did. If you put all my anger, hate, rage into a device that would detonate, I would have been able to blow up the world 10 times over. Please, believe in yourself - you're worth it!!!
Knowing that people, good people like yourselves would actually take time to comfort me without even knowing me, is amazing. I have often thought that, I would't be missed If I were gone. Thank you Hannah for reminding me that I am a good person, I haven't been sure about that for a while. I feel like I am going around in circles, but I need to get out. I don't know how to start though. I can feel the confusion swirling around in my head. I spent most of the day yesterday in bed, just crying and I got down on my knees and begged god for forgiveness. I don't know if he has forgiven me, I know I need to trust him, but, I am afraid to. The things he has brought to my life are not good things. I am afraid if I trust god, he might bring more of the bad things. He may know I can handle it. But I don't feel I can, not now. I am afraid to hope for good things, they never happen. I try to look at the positive but at what point, is enough, enough. Thank you all for your comfort.
The stress of life can inhibit our personal growth. While we become burdened it may be hard for us to see what is truly wonderful. Your smiling at someone in front of you at the grocery check out is a small "wonderful" for that stranger that may be lost as you are. Simple things, baby steps add up to realizing that with love you may move forward in your life and cast aside the sorrow clinging to your soul.
I feel your pain, Sherry. I really do. I don't even know what unique circumstances in your life have led you to this unfortunate juncture, but I can relate. And I have felt the same way you do for so long. But don't give up. If not God, then what? . If not God, we would have no sanctuary to call upon when we are despondent and exhausted. If not God, then I would have taken my Keltec .380 and ended my life some time ago. I have been living the same pattern as you -- trying, failing. Giving up. Becoming re-energized, trying again, failing again. It seems never-ending and hopeless. And maybe it is hipocritical of me, but I think sometimes we may find strength in being able to comfort others who are suffering alongside us. There are too few good people left, and you are one of them. Don't forsake that, at all costs!
Ok those are some strong, strong words.come on think about what your are saying No God, then what Satan.come on that is what your are saying.So you think God is behind all of your problems. Have you never read of Job in the bible. he has so much come upon him. and yes he thought of blaming God.but knew that all that was happening to him was not God.Satan asked God to do that to Job.and yes God aloud it to happen.but look in the end what happened.God blessed Job.then there is peter in the bible.Satan asked yet again to test peter.he asked to sift him as wheat.and yes God aloud it to happen.but he over came it.Why? Because the trusted the Lord to come thru. witch you know deep down he will.come on you think you are the only one with problems.we all have problems.we all deal with deep, deep, seeded pain.but you must go on. Just as the rest of us do.we all have our baggage. you know when you talk like you have it makes God cry,we must press on jsut as Christ did He died for you.
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