Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Written This

By: Mandy Wagoner ( Little_person View Profile)

I was raised by my parents to respect myself and others and to always be true to who I am. As soon as I turned 18 I made a decision that should have been better thought out, but wasn't, and dove right into my first away from home living experience. I lived with 3 other females and we were all right out of high school. So we partied and had fun. And I started to make more decisions that I look back on and highly regret. One thing I stuck to was my virginity. I wanted to save myself for someone special or even marriage, as a personal decision. Something 2 of my other roommates were opposite of, and the other was also a virgin for no apparent reason. She soon lost her virginity and liked the life style of my other 2 roommates.

For some reason, it bugged everyone that I wanted to keep my virginity. So it became their mission to change that. And one night as I was passed out in my bed, a guy my roommate wanted me to hang out with came in my room and changed my life. I woke up unable to move. My arms were stuck and I felt pain. I just started saying no, no, no over and over but it was too late. He held me down till it was over and that was it. In the morning my sheets were covered in blood and I hid them and hid from the guy for as long as I could till he got mad and finally left me alone. After almost a year of living in that apartment I went through many more bad decisions though none involving sex. I never had sex after that.

Then I decided I hated the life I had been living. I was young and this could all be fixed. So I got a new job and decided to start college full time and eventually move. That is when I met my next boyfriend. He was very popular and known for selling and doing mass amounts of drugs. Primarily coke and marijuana, but also did a lot of acid and ecstasy. He was crazy and he was always where I was. He always turned up. Everyone said he liked me and wanted to go out with me. Eventually we did end up dating. Girls warned me about him but he said they were just jealous exes.

3 readers liked this story.

1 2 3 4

comments (4)

bookmarks

more from Mandy Wagoner

see related stories

Mandy Wagoner, WI

view profile Arrow_grey_right

send message Arrow_grey_right

This is Mandy Wagoner's first story. If you enjoyed it, please leave a comment.

Comments

Thank you for your story, I think if more of us come out and show everyone more & more the severity of abuse then maybe the laws will change & we can become "safe" again. My ex pulled a gun on me and abused me in other ways also. I left my abusive relationship in Nov. and took the legal route. It is still a work in progress for me. I understand your fear of seeing him. I remember going into the courtroom & seeing him and his parents-every part of me would shake, I would throw up & couldn't sleep at nights, I also became paranoid & always looked behind me everywhere I went. The strength part does kick in though & he does need to be held accountable, & he will regret everything he's done. My ex is now in jail again for assault on another girl and if it wasn't for my charges against him he would be out on bail today. I may have won some & lost some but I am thankful that the test of my strength facing him helped someone else. I don't want anyone to feel what you have felt or what I have.

Mandy, I read your article and could not help but feel touched by what you wrote. As a man, father and a husband, I could not ever imagine any man being like the one you described. My mother was married to a man who was semi-abusive to us kids, and, then went from one abusive relationship to another. I feel so bad because there are many really wonderful men out there who could not even contemplate treating their better halves that way. My wife makes up the other 51% of me; my kids bring out the best in both of us. Please just don't lose faith in the fact that not all men are like that. I am a Christian and the one -and only man- in my life is Jesus Christ. I hope that you have Him in your life as well. He is the one man who will never hurt you. As for your life I hope that you find someone who will be so good to you that you felt like you were living in a dream. Though the perfect male is a myth, the good man is not. God bless you and thank you for sharing your story.

Mandy, you are a brave young lady. I commend you for telling your story. More young ladies need to hear what you have to say. I have not survived the particular abuse that you shared but I have survived abuse. There are so many scary pieces of abuse and healing from it. I am not sure that disappearing is the a solution. I do believe that finding a support network in which you feel safe is very important. I may never hear from you or of you again but I want you to know that you touched my heart. I will keep you and your child in my prayers. May God Bless you and keep you safe. Carrie

I fully empathize with you and want you to know you are not alone!! Many have survived abuse and can one voice at a time. I am a survivor myself and have started posting recovery articles here as I come through this having left the man who abused me about a two years ago. There is potential to recourse legally if you want to join together we can find a way. Even in the event we cannot change what has happened to us we can change how the system works for others. You are in my prayers and please contact me as I do not believe disappearing is the answer . . . though you truly know best for your situation . . .

Tell us a Story.

You know you've got something to share. Maybe it's something funny, touching, inspirational or informative. Whatever it is, your circle of friends here at DivineCaroline would love to hear from you.

Get started Arrow_grey_right