The Person I Don’t Want to Be

anyone living with on going abuse, look up Narcissistic Personality Disorder, I have 2 articles on here click on my name, studio and read. Join NPD group at careplace.com information about the disorder and support from other women dealing with this. I am mamolie on there. We are trying to get national attention on this disorder,it is behind almost all the abuse that goes on in our country today. Please take some time read about it, you will understand what you are living. Hugs Ann

I feel like I'm looking into the mirror again at my own past that I still struggle w/ forgetting. I got out of my abusive relationship in Nov. I was physically abused he would drag me by my hair, throw me across rooms, slam my head into things, break my belongings, choke me, he threw me out the door on my face once & I couldn't see for days out of one eye, the last straw was when he pulled a gun on me & threatened to kill me. By the grace of God I'm alive & so is my child! I would pride myself at being this "strong" person, but where was my strength then? How could I let this keep happening for almost a year? It only gets worse. I finally realized no matter how much u "love" that person they aren't loving u back, they need help and sometimes all that we do isn't enough to "fix" them. He is now in jail again having assaulted someone else-the pattern will continue unless something is done. U need to leave for u & child-my child is affected by what she saw-don't let yours be too.GOD BLESS

I know how you feel and it is funny, I thought that women like us did not get into situations such as these. I am as you are crazily independent and head strong but somehow I married a man who is emotionally and mentally abusive. Like you he is overseas & serving our country but that does not excuse what he has done & you should not hesitate to leave because of this. I leave the base in 3 weeks and I feel as if it is all surreal, that at any moment my husband is going to come crashing through the door & throw one of his fits, that I will be stuck here forever & I find myself constantly questioning whether I can make it with out him. I can't count the times that I have broke down and cried because I felt so overwhelmed & scared but do as I do,take a step back and breath and know that you are still that independent women you were before and that the way he has made you feel is not the reality and one step at a time ensure you are not there when he returns, for you and your childs sake

although i myself have not been a battered woman, i have been a battered child and had watched my mother be a violently battered woman by all three of her husbands. i watched violence,lived violence, feared for my entire childhood and have spent the good portion of my early adulthood haveing to heal and grow up and face demons that werent eaven mine to begin with. they were forced upon me by evil men who my mother could not protect me from no matter how hard she tried i am 34 with two smaller children and am divorced.please dont stay it only gets worse once they know they can hit you they win my ex-never hit me but he was emotionally and charcaterly abusive. unreliable, uncaring,selfish,hopping from job to job, lazy, i fell for me dad just minus the physical abuse when his anger become noticable to possible and guarenteed physical harm towards me and my children i got out till this day i'll stand up to him i dont fear him for my saftey for my childrens saftey numberone!!heknowsiwontpla

This article really hits home for me ,because I am in a abusive relationship at this time. The relationship was physically and sexually abusive now its emotional and mentally abusive. I can relate to you being torn between leaving and staying;I also feel the same way.He and I have been together four years and we have two kids together but we are raising three as a family. He started abusing me three months into the relationship and just how you described yourself that's me. Independent, head strong a leader and can take care her own. So how did I end up in a relationship like this. I finger it was it was God's will. The reason I say that is that we experience so much in our life time that we forget who is in control. Yes, you are in a abusive relationship but do you have to stay no. The reason why I say that is because I felt trapped too. I was thinking oh we have two kids together that this is where I'm suppose to be, I started going to church and seeking God's face. Trust him!!!