My daughter Danielle is eighteen years old. She just recently given birth to a beautiful baby boy. She has been in a abusive relationship for two years. At first he made her feel like she was so special. A jealous boyfriend who had to know her every move, calling, saying all the right things.
She asked if you could stay at a friend’s house while she was working late instead of driving home late hours, I said yes. Then the lies started I called the friend and she finally told me, that Danielle wasn’t staying there but was with this boy. I saw what was beginning to become my nightmare.
Danielle who once believed that any woman who was in an abusive relationship was crazy for staying in it. Back then she had a voice, now there is silence and just tears. The baby I am sure wasn’t planned on the guys part, but on Danielle part she thought this was her answer to her prays.
I talk to my daughter and try to make her see, but as most of you know I am (mom) what could I know, she is in love. Since they have met both of them have moved about six times, being evicted from every place of none payment of rent, the one room they are staying at now is no different. She informed me they have to be out at the end of the month.
I take the baby on the weekends so I know he is safe and being taken care of, she comes home every other weekend to stay with me to visit with her older sister and myself and the old Danielle that was lost has returned for a short time only to disappear again, Sunday evening when I drop her off at her room in the attic.
He has managed to control her, in every part. But he can’t break the bond that still remains between her sister and myself. Oh he has tried, telling her to stand up to me, and say no. But she can’t. When he isn’t around she apologies to me for everything she has done wrong. So I know he will never break our bond.
My question to everyone is how do I get her to see, what everyone else sees and knows. Before it is to late both for her and my grandson? How do I help her find herself again, I want to hear that voice and she needs to be heard, that baby needs to be protected from the dark cloud that hangs over their head.
Sincerely, Smiley :(
My Daughter Is Lost Within Herself
By: Smiley Sun (View Profile)
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When my mom tries to tell me about abuse i look at her like- You can't tell me about the situaion unless she has been through it.All i can suggest is to maybe print out some of the stories and send them to her anonymously,maybe she'll understand better if she hears some one elses cries.
SMILEY I KNOW THAT YOU ARE A MOM AND YOU HAVE EVERY RIGHT TO WORRY AND I DON'T BLAME YOU YOUR DAUGHTER WILL SEE THAT THE GUY IS WRONG FOR HER VAND JUST KEEP BEING THERE AND SHOWING HER THAT NO MATTER WHAT YOU WILL ALWAYS BE BU HER SIDE AND I DO HOPE THAT SHE WILL SEE THAT IT'S TIME FOR HER TO LEAVE BUT I KNOW IT'S HARD WATCHING YOUR DAUGHTER GO THROUGH THAT BUT JUST KEEP ON BEING A GREAT MOTHER AND JUST PRAY FOR HER SO I HOPE I WROTE SOMETHING THAT CAN UPLIFT YOU SO TAKE CARE AND I WILL PRAY FOR HER AND THE BABY AS WELL.
To Smiley: Bless you! As a mother of 2 sons I try to watch carefully how they treat their girlfriends. Having just published a book on Letters to Fathers from Daughters- I was struck by how many of these women had stepped into abusive relationships. My true friends stood by me when I was in relationships that were damaging to me but I didn't see clear enough until I out for over a year. Your daughter has something very powerful - a mother who loves her and is seeking help.
Smiley:Also encourage your daughter to make a short term safety plan for herself and her baby.She needs to hide keys,copies of important documents and the national domestic violence hotline number somewhere safe.Or have a neighbors house or other safe location she can go to when he becomes violent.Make sure she has a cell phone with her at all times.If you can help her doucment his abuse that would be helpful also.Take pictures of bruises or other injuries and keep a notebook showing the date and incidents of his abuse.This may be useful later in court. Lanna
Hi:I am a survivor of domestic abuse myself.I got out of my abusive marriage of 8 years 13 years ago.All you can do is let your daughter know you love her and will always be there to listen.Remind her that his abuse is not her fault in any way and that if she ever decides she wants to leave that you will support her.Buy her a copy of the book "Why Does He Do That?"by Lundy Bancroft.It will help her understand some of what is happening to her.Try not to judge her for not leaving.She is probably trying her best to cope and is terribly hurt and confused.Instead be patient and be a steadfast presence in her life encouraging her to be independent of him in small ways. Remind her that someone who loves you doesn't isolate you from your family and friends.Please don't ever give up on her because you are probably the only one she will be able to turn to in the end.Abusers isolate their victims and make them feel at fault for the abuse.Ask her to log on www.BrokenSpirits.com. Lanna
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