This is the first time for me to write my story. So I want to apologize now for my grammar and spelling errors! Almost nine years ago I ran away for my life from a ministry. My Pastor, father figure, and boss had been raping me for about a year before I ran away. For over eight years now I have been going through a “healing” process while my rapist is free to rape more people.
The thing that messed me up the most was that ... it was my pastor and my view of God was mixed with the actions of my abuser. My abuser raped me many times and made me do sexual acts that are not human. I was basically his sex toy captive by lies that he formed for months before he even touched me.
When I did get away I had to deal with all the fears and symptoms of being a co-dependant and captive victim. I started going to places for help and stayed in church. I found out that many people after hearing the details of my story did not know what to say or do. Which left me a lot of times searching for how to deal with all the fears and panic-attacks that a victim will sometimes face.
But I want to tell you that one thing that I knew was not true from the beginning, it was a statement that I will always be a victim! I knew that that could not be true and if it was then I could not live with that burden and I had to find another way. I had to believe that I did not have to be marked for the rest of my life by something that I did not choose to happen to me.
I started searching and have now found a life that I can honestly say that I am no longer a victim but an over-comer. I determined that my situation did not make me a victim but gave me a voice and now I am starting to use that voice.
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