My Life: It May Skip Around a Little (Part 1)

I really had a mother? What was she like? Was she pretty? Did her hair and eyes match mine? Would we make mud pies together? A little girl who didn’t know her mother would ask herself questions like these. I was nervous when she came to see us the first time, and I got extremely shy. I hid behind my Papa, and my Gramma pulled me from him by my shoulders and told me to stop acting stupid, this was my mother and I needed to visit with her ...

I remember her long black hair was parted in the middle. She reminded me of the hippies I’d seen in seventies movies, and I thought she was a movie star. She was skinny and pretty. Her makeup looked really good. That first meeting and visit with her went really good after I overcame my shyness. I started bugging my Gramma and my Papa that I wanted to see her again ... they would tell me soon, but it was never soon enough. Finally I asked my father one weekend if I could go stay a weekend with my mother. He said he didn’t care if my grandparents didn’t care. I remember my Gramma saying, “She’s your kid, you decide.” My Papa had this look on his face that I just couldn’t describe to you and I begged and pleaded and used my little girl coyness to finally get him to give in. Papa had said yes. But he also informed me that he didn’t like it knowing her history and that he wanted me back at a certain time and in one piece.

So off I went the next weekend to stay two whole nights with the mother I’d never known ... This is where it gets a little bad and I just want to warn you that I won’t go into explicit details, but some are called for … The first night was great. I had met my mother’s new husband, John. He had long hair, a bushy beard, was skinny, and reminded me of the pictures of Jesus that hung up at the church where I was raised. He cooked our food outside, and I thought that was awesome because he actually let me stand over by him to smell the meat cook. He talked to me like I was a grown up and it made me feel important. I thought he was great. That night, he and my mom smoked a joint and I smelled it and thought it smelt funny.