How Much is Too Much

My husband has always been what I considered abusive although he’ll say he is not at all, it’s all in my mind or that I provoke him. Along time ago he’d hit me, never a punch put more of the pushing or shoving, grabbing and that type of thing, just enough to be abusive and mean. As long as it wasn’t a punch he insisted it wasn’t abusive.

Well, I finally left him and swore I’d never go back. He was a very good father and after a few months of seeing him change, listening to his promises and a lot of heart to hearts I went back. Here it is five years later and things are worse than ever. I guess I can’t say worse because he has never again laid a hand on me but the verbal abuse is sooo bad I sometimes feel like I can’t take it and I will implode. The name calling, being told I can’t do anything right, trying to speak and being told to shut up, having f___ you screamed at me—these all happen on a continuous basis. Sometimes I am awoken at 5:00 a.m. with his screaming and calling me names if he can’t find something or if something he wanted done isn’t done or if he just doesn’t want to go to work. This also wakes the kids and they lay in their beds just listening but too afraid to get up. They just ask me about it later and tell my how scared they were. He recently took a new job and anytime anything goes wrong it is my fault. I’m told I ruined his life, his life sucks and its all my fault, I f___ed him by “making” him take this job.

Needless to say being a very good father isn’t in the mix anymore. He yells at the kids pretty much anytime they are near him, he tells them they are lazy, slobs, and that they can’t do anything right. He also uses the f word to them on a daily basis. The kids beg me to leave pretty much a couple times a week. Keep in mind my kids are only fifteen, thirteen and nine. They are wonderful kids and so don’t deserve to be talked to like this or treated this way. It breaks my heart when he freaks on them and starts screaming the f word to them and they walk away and cry, crushed that this man who used to love them now treats them like pieces of shit. It is so sad and I’m at a loss as to what to do. I need help and I need it fast.