“You know, Emily, most people wouldn’t have survived.”
I made eye contact with him for a second, then looked away. It hurt too much to look into anyone’s eyes, especially when talking, or mumbling in my case, about the abuse.
My life was never in danger ... what does he mean? He went on:
“I’ve seen people with far less severe histories fall apart and give up.” He was implying suicide.
“You are a great lady and an awesome mom. The love you have for your kids radiates from your pores.”
Then, he called me a “peaceful warrior.”
Well, I don’t feel very warrior-like, thankyouverymuch Mr. Therapist. I feel like a disgusting, shameful, sobbing mess. You aren’t even my therapist. You are my son’s hypnotherapist who is helping him with his out-of-control anxieties.
Still, did he really mean that? A peaceful warrior?
My therapist and I had agreed that my own anxieties were getting the better of me. I was having anxiety attacks at work, and needed benzodiazepines, on top of the Zoloft, to function. We talked about various “supplemental” therapies. Finally deciding that I would try EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, and then perhaps some hypnotherapy. The only problem was, I was so anxiety-ridden during the initial EMDR sessions that the EMDR therapist finally asked me, “Are you sure you should be doing this?”
So, I called Josh, my son’s hypnotherapist, and explained the situation. He and I thought a recorded session of hypnosis would help take the edge off my anxiety, so that I could get through the EMDR. So, if you are following this, I needed a therapist, to help me get through therapy, which I needed to help me get through therapy. I was “therapy-ed” out.
It will come as no surprise that I couldn’t make it through hypnosis, without having so much anxiety that I had to ask him to stop recording. He took the blame for calling out that ridiculous “inner child” while I was in a state of relaxation. “And little Emily ...” was as far as he got. I began hitting my ears, covering my head, and hyperventilating. Then the pep talk began.
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