Tourniquet

They asked me if I thought I would get to six months and, in all honestly, there were moments when I questioned my own ability. For whatever reason, this time I knew I would make it. It was a choice I made, the morning after my last downer. Ironically, the moment took place in front of a mirror, like some made-for-TV movie. I saw my own reflection in the mirror and told myself out loud that I wasn’t going to hurt myself anymore. I wanted to live my life in empowerment and in loving kindness for myself. It was a choice that I would make and one, six months later I have stayed true to. 

I have always wanted to speak a different language and now I do. That language is self-love. Don’t get me wrong, I still have my days and those days are some of the hardest days to work through, in part because all negatives are fighting even harder to be heard. But the time is less and less frequent and ever changing in to something that is more of a whisper of a wounded child than an old man on a soap box. In a way, I have kept my addiction. This time my devotion and dedication isn’t to a bottle but instead to myself and the promise of a better life.