Self-injury is probably the most widely misunderstood form of self-harm amongst survivors of abuse. The many myths that are often associated with self-injury make coming forward and seeking help difficult for those dealing with their addiction. I know because I am a recovering addict myself. Just recently, I put together a public service announcement for self-injury. The feedback from survivors who saw the video and wanted to talk about it was overwhelming. I can only imagine the numbers that were too afraid to come forward or perhaps too embarrassed to admit that they too suffered from this wide-spread and harmful form of self punishment.
It has been argued that self-mutilation is not an addiction but a mental illness, however, I’m not sure that I agree. According to the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual-IV (DSM), an addiction is a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual’s health, mental state, or social life. However, there is little mention in the DSM that acknowledges self-harm as such, except in the most extreme cases including castration or removal of limbs. If no one is talking about the truth surrounding self-harm, how do we expect to dispel the myths? It’s not surprising that friends and loved ones are left with the impression that people who self-injure do so willingly, to be dramatic or in order to manipulate those around them. For me and many like me, this simply isn’t our reality.
I had coffee with a friend of mine the other day. I confided in him that just a few short weeks before, I found myself on my bathroom floor, taking a razor to my arm in an almost trance-like state. His face was gentle and kind but I could sense from his expression that he was taken aback by my experience. Being an advocate, there is a general assumption of recovery in that it is picture perfect. Self-mutilation shouldn’t exist in the world of the advocate. Full recovery from abuse is what often allows others to look up to you and to gain hope in their own recovery. The truth is that advocates are every day people, not super heroes. The burden of expectation from others can breed the same shame and fear that keep many in their silence to begin with. I set myself on a very high pedestal most of the time, so high that even those closest to me often don’t recognize the fear and pain that hides deep within me, placed there by my father and continued in the actions of the little girl within me who is still healing.
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