Is She Having a Baby?

By: Sarah Sibley (View Profile)

You know the scene in She’s Having a Baby when “This Woman’s Work” by Kate Bush is playing? Jake is thinking back on his and Kristy’s life together and how great it was, just the two of them, and intermixed are scenes of Kristy’s troubled labor. I always cry at that scene. Not because I fear what’s going to happen to Kristy. Not because that’s a particularly gorgeous song. And not because I’m a sucker for John Hughes movies. It’s because I liked Jake and Kristy’s life pre-child. Why couldn’t they just be happy being suburban yuppies? Also … I fear having children, and that scene always reminds me of my doubts and fears of reproduction, birth, child-rearing, and letting go of all those wonderful times when it was just the two of us.

Now, in the dawn of my thirties, it’s like “This Woman’s Work” is perpetually playing in my head. Every day is a montage of people getting pregnant, having babies, and wondering when I’m going to join their club. Sure, it turned out great for Jake and Kristy, that was a John Hughes film. But what about me? Is there a great story where my husband and I decide to have a child and it’s all strollers and diapers and bliss? Am I having a baby?

This confusion and conflict started a few years ago when my best friend invited me and our other best friend to her house to celebrate her pending nuptials. She got us drunk on expensive champagne and tried to make us swear to all have babies at the same time. “Babies are great, 2008!” she chanted. (She’s an ex-cheerleader and involved in rallying for pro-choice, so chanting came naturally to her.) I instantly sobered up and rebuffed her advances to force my (then) un-wed ass into motherhood. Though we politely turned her down, my ambitious best friend stuck to her guns and precisely one year after she was married, she had a little girl. I couldn’t have been happier for her. But then, all of a sudden, there were pregnant people everywhere. It was Attack of the Mothers-to-Be.

4 readers liked this story.

1 2 3

comments (4)

bookmarks

more from Sarah Sibley

see related stories

Sarah Sibley, CO

view profile

send message

Questioning My Not-So-Natural Beauty
03.10.2008
Style : Beauty : Body

A Cotton Sex Kitten
02.26.2008
Style : Unique You : Intimates

You and Your Wedding Dress, Happily Ever After
02.05.2008
Style : Fashion : Special Occasion

Showing stories 1-3 of 10

Comments

Men are definitely pressured to have male heirs to "carry on the family name" (as if there aren't thousands of other people with the same last name!). When I was in my 30s, my husband and I were often asked by (nosy) people when we would start a family. If I truthfully replied we weren't having any, I was often told my decision was "selfish." Wierd. I believe a lot of the baby making that goes on during that decade of life is related to hormones - Mother Nature's push to keep the species going. Many of my friends were undecided like Sarah until one day when, as though a switch had been thrown, babies were all they could think about. It never happened to me, and I'm glad. I think children are happiest in families that would want them even without the hormones. I feel sorriest for children of parents who felt compelled to have them to suit someone else's need. Every child should be able to grow up wanted and loved.

Yes, I remember those years in my 30s very clearly. The whole world was ovulating to beat their biological time clock, and I had neglected to wind mine. I was never baby-crazed, but now that I am 40+ and single again I am thankful that I held back when I was unsure and did not succumb to society's expectation. The ironic thing is that my current significant other is an embryologist who's career is founded on fertilization. For the first time in my life, I am dating a man where I do not care how many other women he gets pregnant!! LOL!! We've had the tough conversations about our relationship -- the expectations. He was very wary in the beginning of our relationship, because a large part of his practice is getting older (36+) woment pregnant when that biological clock has begun to wind down. It took more than one super-serious conversation for him to fully grasp that I am OK *not* having kids.

Oddly enough, there is pressure brought to bear on many men who are in serious relationships to consider having children as part of that union. And I don't necessarily mean from the women to whom they are married or otherwise involved with, though that certainly does occur. I am my father's only son (I have two sisters) and I know he has been disappointed not to have had any grandchildren from me, especially a male child. He's 80 and I'm in my fifties. He has not baldly taken me to task for not providing an heir who would carry on the family name, as it were, but he has a parent's way of alluding to certain issues that can raise the spectre of guilt, if not actually try to make me feel guilty. When my mother was alive she was much more vocal about wanting me to have children. I have been a step-dad and truly enjoyed the experience, but I'm wondering if other of your male readers felt pressured to have children from others outside their marriage? Loved the story!

Sarah, keep writing the articles. love them :) SYT

Tell us a Story.

You know you've got something to share. Maybe it's something funny, touching, inspirational or informative. Whatever it is, your circle of friends here at DivineCaroline would love to hear from you.

Get started Arrow_grey_right

most liked

must reads

most dugg

Most popular DivineCaroline stories on Digg.com

View past 30 days

View all Time