This has become a constant forged question in my mind lately. I can’t get rid of the feeling of loneliness. I have all I need and sometimes more but the emptiness inside is taking over. Consuming all that is within. I can hear myself screaming from within and I tend to look around to see if by any chance someone heard.
I long to feel something, anything! I’m like a robot on auto-pilot. I love my children and even sometimes my “husband” who seems to think that his needs are the only ones that need to be met. His dreams are all that matter right now and, “don’t worry, once I make it, you’ll be happier,” he says as he goes out to one of his late night promoting events. What?! Is he serious? It’s not possible that all men be that close minded. I want to walk away and say, “to hell with it!”. But, I think of my children (who actually see him maybe for five minutes every day and sometimes a couple of hours on Sunday) and as of right now I’m not able to stand on my own two feet financially.
I should’ve listened to my grandmother! She would always tell me, “stay in school, go to college, never let anyone have a grip on you! Always be able to walk away”. Well, that didn’t go to well. At least, after many years, I’m actually back on track and on my way to get a degree. That should help me get started towards a better life for my children and myself. If it will include my “husband”, I don’t know.
I do know, that all these previous worries that I just stated have lots to do with my feelings of being cut-off. Even when I talk to other people, they don’t get me anyway. It’s like being in a twilight zone episode, the feeling of disconnection from everyone and everything.
Most of you might understand exactly what I mean and what I’m feeling—if you don’t, too bad. You might’ve been able to help someone come out of cave of despair and loneliness. I wish someone heard me ...
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