But I’ve wondered, how do you teach yourself to feel? I think I have to start with why I taught myself not to feel in the first place. What made me think that I needed or wanted to be happy all the time? I suppose a part of it is my perfectionism. I want my life to be going well because I want to be a success. Then it becomes a matter of definitions. What does it mean to be doing well, to be a success? There seems to be a part of each of us that wants to be that woman who has it all together. And if we experience things like sadness, fear, or anger, then that must mean that we are not measuring up. But the reality is that in our lives, we’ll experience a wide range of situations so it’s only natural to have a full range of emotional responses. We rob ourselves of being fully human, of experiencing the full richness of all that life can be, when we try to exert excessive control over ourselves and live and feel according to our own rigid set of standards. If I can challenge the core beliefs that lead to my tendency to stuff my emotions, then perhaps I will be better able to allow myself to feel more fully.
Now, not only am I encouraging my friend to grieve her loss and allow herself to be sad, I am encouraging myself to do the same. By doing so, I hope that I’ll be able to be more whole and more emotionally well balanced. What feelings are you avoiding and why do you think you might be trying to suppress them?
