Birthdays are days filled with love, and this year mine was filled with a greater love than ever before. I lost my twelve year feline companion, Libra, on my birthday. It was her time. On the last morning she was with me, she cuddled in close under the covers—ignoring her own sickness and pain—and covered me with hundreds of kisses, her tail swishing back and forth against my lips, each kiss expressing her love. And I returned each one. Even when she had no strength, she stayed close to me. Through my tears of gratitude and deep sadness, I told her how much she meant to me and that I understood that it was her time to go. I thanked Libra for her unconditional love and devotion. And I believe she was thanking me too.
I had the good fortune of being able to spend the day at home with her and a dear friend before taking her to the vet. She wandered in and out of my living room, spending long stretches of time sitting in the sun by the window, saying her own goodbyes to life, occasionally coming close to check in with me. It felt like she was making sure that I was ready. I took out my copy of The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying and read this to her:
“I am here with you and I love you. You are dying and that is completely natural; it happens to everyone. I wish you could stay here with me, but I don’t want you to suffer anymore. The time we’ve had together has been enough and I will always cherish it. Please now don’t hold onto life any longer. Let go. I give you my full and heartfelt permission to die. You are not alone, now or ever. You have all my love.”
She gazed deep into my eyes as I spoke these words to her.
Libra was the best companion I could have asked for. She taught me how to put another’s needs before mine, how to share, how to fight and make up, how to give space and support, and how deeply my heart feels. I know that I took good care of her, but it is only since her passing that I realize what good care she took of me. Our connection took time, but she “got me”—my moods and my ways. I think it took even more time for me to really see and get her. We grew to accept, respect, and truly, truly love one another.
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