THIS was uncommon. I’d never been this late. I went and bought a test, a nice digital one, only to short it out when I peed on it! That was my luck—always making things harder than they had to be. The next day I bought another test, this time I used a cup and dipped the test. Yep! I was pregnant! My fiancé was excited, everyone was happy, and I was too, until it hit me—I wasn’t going to have my mom to turn to. She helped my through every illness and every hard thing I ever had to do, and now I wasn’t going to have her.
My sister’s youngest child was nine years old, they all knew their Grandma, and they knew how wonderful she was. My child would never know her—and that crushed me. My fiancé moved up our wedding—we had a simple affair planned for the following April, but we went ahead with a Courthouse quickie wedding, and I became a married woman. The weeks went on, and I tried not to think about my loss. I love watching Bringing Home Baby on TLC, but the first few times I watched it I would see the couples Mothers waiting for them when they got home with their baby, and I could only remember what I was missing. We went for our first ultrasound on August thirty-first and yeah, we’re having a girl! But then I, of course, remember that this is the first girl on my side of the family. My sisters had all boys, and although I have a step-niece, this is the first girl that will be born into the family, and my mom was missing it.
I’m now twenty-eight weeks pregnant, my due date according to the doctor is February third, Super Bowl Sunday. I still cry about my mom when I think about it, but I cope by not dwelling too much on what I’ve lost, but by what I’m gaining. I am going to have a beautiful daughter, and I can’t wait to hold her. She will have the most amazing aunts and uncles, and my dad, step-mom, and mother-in-law are going to be the best grandparents she could have. I’ll always miss my mom, but I know in my heart she’s right here with me.
