My Boyfriend’s Ashes

By: Amanda Coggin (View Profile)

“Can I help you find something?” A blonde saleswoman asked while I tipped a container upside down to look inside.

“I’m looking for a small container with a top on it to hold something.” I figured my ambiguity might encourage her to bring options over without me having to whisper “urn” or “ashes.”

She walked me over to a fancy set of salt and pepper shakers, the kind with the glass bottoms and stainless steel tops that twisted right, exposing large enough holes for the salt to seep into boiling water or a pot of bubbling sauce.

“That’s not exactly what I’m looking for. It needs to be unbreakable, and have a top, like a cork, so whatever’s inside can’t escape.”

I wanted to be more helpful for her, until I realized that wasn’t my job. Not now, no more. My chest sunk until I smiled politely at her, “Thank you,” as I turned to leave the store. She smiled confused since she had shown me five containers that would never work. How could she know that the containers weren’t meant for dead boyfriends?

“Here, you can have my container of ashes,” his brother said, pulling me out of my daze. His mother had eventually found an empty jam jar for my ashes, but his brother was apt to keep the jar and give the other container to me. He stood at the junk drawer pulling out rubber bands and tape to wrap around his container that was now mine, the handmade piece of pottery with the cork stuck deep inside so none of his brother could ever come out. He pushed the cork in further with his thumb, wound the rubber band around the cork, and then taped over the cork four times with scotch tape.

“This is so surreal,” I said as he secured his brother’s ashes, reminding me of his brother himself.

“Oh, being here in your old house?” he said deadpan.

“No, you giving me Bryce’s ashes.” I finally said his name as if to jog his memory. “Sometimes I still can’t believe that he’s really dead. I would never have foreseen this years ago.”

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Comments
posted: 08.24.2008
Janice Toepfer
You have helped others get through a confusing and emotional time with your story. Suicide tends to leave loved ones with such shock and regret that words often fail them. Bryce resides in your heart, not in those ashes. Let the living moments guide you. It is an honor to know and love another person. That someone trusts you enough to reveal themselves and their dreams. When they pass, they leave you a gift of a larger and more meaningful life. Blessings be on what lay ahead for you.
posted: 07.18.2008
Elanor Brus
Thank you, Amanda. Be well.
posted: 03.08.2008
Bill Charles
I cannot imagine the suffering you endured as a result of your boyfriend's suicide. I can only thank you for sharing this intimate and painful part of your life with your readers. It is truly a remarkable article. I offer my sincere condolences. Thank you.
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